


Your love, My pain

by Nakura_Orihara



Category: Free!
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Extremely OOC Makoto, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Abuse, Tags may change in the future, Unrequited Love, slight physical abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 03:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4288599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nakura_Orihara/pseuds/Nakura_Orihara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru loves Makoto, loves him with everything he has. He doesn't want to, but it hurts. It hurts more than anything. (Hiatus)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was originally posted on Fanfiction.net but I decided to post it here too. This is still the first fanfic that I am posting. Comments and criticism are welcome. I do not own Free! And I never will. Enjoy!

"Haru! Haru-chan!"

Haru turned around and saw his brown haired friend chase after him.

"Drop the 'chan', I'm not a girl."

His friend chuckled.

"I know that, but I had to say something to get you to hear me."

"I heard you just fine." Haru muttered.

'What was that, Haru?" Makoto asked.

"Nothing. Let's go, Nagisa and Rei are waiting for us."

"Oh, is it okay if Kisumi joins us?"

'No, it isn't.' Haru thinks.

"Yeah, sure."

"Great! I'll call him."

Haru turned and gave Makoto some privacy. He leaned on the railing and looked out at the sea, feeling somewhat peaceful. But his thoughts were interrupted by laughter, he glanced over and saw Makoto smiling with a small blush on his face. His eyes locked with Haru's and widened, he quickly says goodbye and put his phone away.

"Hehe, turns out Kisumi can't make it, but he says he'll try to meet up with us later.''

"That's fine."

As they made their way towards the restaurant, Haru noticed the little things. The way Makoto's hand would brush up against his, or the way he would stand a little too close. Haru knew that none of this was intentional, but that didn't stop him from wishing that it was. How he wished that he was the one who got those good morning texts, or to be the last person Makoto said good night to and the first person he said good morning to. What he wouldn't give to be the person Makoto loved.


	2. Chapter 2

Haru and Makoto stopped in front of the restaurant , they saw their friends waiting for them... Haru also saw that Kisumi was standing there too. Haru looked back at Makoto, his eyes were filled with love and adoration. Makoto ran and lifted Kisumi off the ground, kissing him as he spun them around.

"You made it!" Makoto exclaimed.

Kisumi blushed.

"I got someone to cover my shift. Plus, I really wanted to see you." Kisumi saw that Makoto was still holding him up.

"Now put me down, you're embarrassing me!" 

Makoto laughed and kissed Kisumi once again before setting him down.

"I'm sorry. I'm just happy that you're here."

Makoto smiled at Kisumi, feeling like the luckiest person in the world. But neither of the couples noticed Haru standing a few feet away. He shifted awkwardly, he felt out of place and kind of sad. Haru wished that he hadn't said yes to coming along.

'This was a mistake.' He thought.

But before he could do anything, Nagisa ran over and dragged him inside the restaurant. Haru opened his mouth to speak.

''N-Nagisa, I'm not feeling well. So, I think I'm going to go.''

Nagisa was silent.

"Nagisa?"

''It's because of Kisumi and Makoto, isn't it?"

Haru stared back at him with shock and fear.

"No, Nagisa. That's ridiculous, why wouldn't I feel well because of Makoto and Kisumi? That's just-"

"I know you love him."

Nagisa turned around and stared at Haru. Haru shifted uncomfortably in front of his hard gaze. Finally he spoke.

''How long have you known?"

"A long time. For a while, I thought you two were dating."

Haru chuckled darkly.

"It's stupid, isn't it? How can I keep on loving him when he never sees me? Even when we're together, it's Kisumi or Kisumi that! I know they're togethet, but it hurts so much." Haru let out a sob, "I don't know if I can take it anymore! I love him so much that I can't even breathe!"

Haru gasped as rears were freely falling down his face, he wasn't bothering to hide them. He felt a bitter happiness from confessing to Nagisa. He took some deep breaths before Nagisa stated to speak again.

"Do you hate Makoto?'' He asked.

Haru's eyes widened.

"What? N-Never. Why would you ask that?"

"Do you hate Kisumi?''

"I-" Haru started, but stopped.

'Do I? Kisumi isn't a bad person. He's never treated me badly or anything of the sort. The only thing is... Makoto. I can't hate Kisumi because he's dating Makoto, it's not his fault.' Haru thought.

"Haru?" 

"I-I don't know."

''For Kisumi or for Makoto?"

Haru couldn't breathe, he didn't know what to say. Then again, he wasn't really sure of anything at the moment. Before he could say anything,  he saw Rei, Kisumi, and Makoto walk inside. Haru began to hyperventilate, his heart felt like it was beating at 100 beats per minute. 

"I really need to leave, Nagisa."

The blond nodded.

"I'll tell them you were sick and had to go home."

Haru thanked him and left. He carefully slipped out of the restaurant, and ran into an alley. He slid down the wall and cried. He cried for what seemed like hours and when he was done, he asked himself something. Did he hate Makoto?


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Haru dwelled over the question while he was walking to school, his head was killing him, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. As Haru was walking, he remembered the times when Makoto would walk with him. It seemed like a forever ago, but things were different. Back then, Kisumi was at a diferent school. Back then, Haru was happy. Now things have changed. Whether it's for the best, Haru doesn't know. But he does know that if he keeps going on like this, he'll break. Haru was deep in thought when he felt himself run into something. Or perhaps, someone. Haru started to apologize before he got a good look at who he ran into.

"Running into people like that isn't like you, Haru.'' The redhead smirked.

''Rin!''

''The one and only!''

'W-what are you doing here?''

Rin pouted.

'Is that anyway to greet a friend? Tch! And to think I came all this way just to see you.''

''I'm sorry, I've just been distracted lately.''

''With Makoto?''

Haru felt his heart skip a beat, then felt the sharp pain of yesterday's incident pierce whatever happiness he once had.

"Does everyone know?" He asked.

''Well,'' Rin said. ''It was kind of obvious. Seeing the way you guys look at each other.''

Haru felt a pang in his heart.

''So, you guys together yet or what?"

''He's with Kissumi.''

Rin's expression was one made of surprise and anger.

"What?! But every time I saw you two together-''

''He doesn't love me.'' Haru interrupted.

Rin closed his mouth, but his jaw was still clenched in anger. He thought surely Makoto and Haru would end up together. He had no idea what to say, he looked at his friend and saw that his eyes were puffy and red. Rin sighed, he knew Haru must have been crying before. An idea suddenly popped into his head.

"Come on.'' Rin pointed his head in the opposite direction of Haru's school and started walking.

Haru went after him in confusion.

"What are you doing?"

"You're sad and I'm not going to let you be sad because Makoto is too blind to see what's happening."  Rin turned around and grasped Haru by his shoulders. "Friends don't let friends be sad over people who are stupid."

Haru looked into Rin's eyes and saw how much he meant it. He doesn't deserve the kindness he's being given, by Rin, Nagisa, or... Makoto. 'I wonder what Makoto would say.' Haru thought. 'Why would he care?' A small voice replied, 'It's not like you two are dating'. Haru felt the grim reminder of Makoto and Kisumi's relationship like a hot ball of lead sitting on his heart. He clenched his hands at his stupidity, he couldn't ask himself what Makoto would do because Makoto isn't here. And he's not the one Makoto cares about. Haru snapped himself out of his thoughts and forced himself to focus on Rin's plan.

"Rin, where would we go?" 

''Somewhere not here.''

''But, school-''

''Screw it. Let's do something fun! Besides, your grades are good enough, you can afford to miss a couple of days.''

''But, what about you?''

''I'm on break.''

Rin could see that Haru was still conflicted.

''Haru, I can't imagine how much you are hurting right now. But I really think you need this.. Just do it, please? If at anytime you want to stop, we can.'' Rin pleaded.

Haru mulled over his answer before opening his mouth and taking a deep breath.

''Alright,'' Haru smiled. ''Where do you want to go?''

Rin looked ecstatic.

'''We could go to the beach? Or maybe see a movie?Or''

''I think the beach sounds great.''

Rin smiled.

'''Awesome! Great, let's go!"

"Wait, Rin. Hold on.''

"What now?"

Haru let out a breathy chuckle.

''I just have to get some stuff at home.''

''Like what?''

''Oh, I don't know. Maybe my swimsuit?''

Rin raised his eyebrow in confusion.

''I thought you wore your swimsuit underneath your clothes?''

Haru bit the inside of his cheek.

''I haven't done that since my second year. Makoto got me to stop.''

Rin had on a look of understanding.

''Okay, let's go to your house.''


	4. Chapter 4

There wasn't much conversation between the two of them as they made their way to Haru's house, instead it was a comfortable silence. As they stood at the front door, Haru began to have his doubts about this plan.

"Maybe this isn't such a good plan." 

Rin looked surprised, but didn't say anything. Haru took it as a hint to continue. 

"I mean, maybe, let's not go to the beach." He babbled.

Rin shrugged, "Then what do you want to do?"

'What I wouldn't give to know the answer to that question.' Haru thought.

"I don't know." He confessed.

Rin pursed his lips, "Why don't we stay here?"

"Really?" Haru asked hesitantly.

Rin looked passive, "Why not?" 

"Because-"

"Because what? There's nothing wrong with hanging out here," Rin sighed. "Look Haru, the whole point of this was to get you to relax and if that's not at the beach or in your own home, then we'll find someplace else."

 Haru stared at Rin with astonishment. For a long time, no one had bothered to care about him in such a way, to actually consider his happiness first. He felt his eyes start to water.

"H-Hey, what's with the water works?" 

"Nothing," Haru wiped his eyes. "I'm just really happy right now."

With that, Haru led Rin inside. He made his way to the kitchen, while Rin decided to browse through Haru's movie selections. 

"Do you want anything?" Haru yelled out.

"Whatever is fine." Rin yelled as his reply.

Haru decided that popcorn and fried mackerel would be a good movie snack. While Haru busied himself with making the snacks, he almost didn't notice his phone going off.

"Hello?" 

"Haru, where are you?!"

Haru mentally berated himself for not checking his caller ID first.

"Hello Makoto."

" 'Hello'?' That's all you have to say? 'Hello'?"

Haru heard his friend let out a sigh of frustration.

"Haru, I've been worried sick. Why didn't you tell anyone where you were?"

Haru didn't want to tell Makoto that he was hanging out with Rin, he felt that it would make things worse than they already are.

"I didn't feel well," he lied. "So I just stayed home and took a bunch of medicine. It made me too tired to do anything."

"Then why didn't you tell me? I would've come over and took care of you!"

Haru felt a pang in his chest. He was about to apologize when he heard someone talking in the background.

"Makoto," he asked. "Who are you with?"

"I'm with the team and Kisumi. We've been looking for you since school ended."

As soon as Makoto said 'Kisumi' Haru did begin to feel sick, then immediately felt guilty.

'Makoto isn't yours.' He thought.

A small part of Haru wanted to hate Makoto for not looking for him himself, but he knew it was unwarranted. Kisumi was Makoto's boyfriend,  of course he would always bring him along. As for the rest of the team, he had a feeling that Makoto made them come along. But he knew that Nagisa was probably worried and Rei would just follow wherever Nagisa went. 

"Haru come on! You're missing the movie!" Rin yelled out.

"Haru, who was that?" Makoto asked.

At that moment, Rin walked into the kitchen having no idea what was taking Haru so long. He also noticed that the pan that once had mackerel in it started smoking.

"Haru are you trying to burn your house down?" He quickly tossed the pan into the sink and watched as it began to sizzle and smoke even more. He pointed at Haru's phone, "Who are you talking to?"

"Haru... Are you with Rin?" Makoto questioned darkly.

Haru couldn't breathe, his head was starting to hurt and dark spots were dancing behind his eyes. He quickly hung up the phone without saying to his confused friend on the other line.

"Haru," Rin spoke. "What just happened?"

Haru took a deep breath before tears began welling up in his eyes. He dropped to his knees and started to sob uncontrollably.

"I-I don't know what to do anymore." Haru hiccuped.

Rin immediately sat down next to Haru and pulled him into a warm embrace. As Rin tried to calm him down, all Haru could think about was what Makoto must think about him now.

'What if he never wants to talk to me again?' Haru questioned internally. 

Rin shushed him. Apparently he had said that out loud. 

"Haru," Rin whispered. "Makoto is your best friend. It's going to take a lot more than that for him to just give up on that job."

That only made Haru cry harder. Rin continued to hold him on the kitchen floor,  it seemed like an eternity before Haru's hysterical sobs turned into silent tears free falling down his face.

"Hey Haru?" Rin asked gently.

"Hmm?" Haru mumbled.

"It's kinda late. Aren't you feeling tired?"

Haru checked his kitchen clock and saw that it was almost 12:30.  He could feel the aches setting in, as he and Rin were still sitting on the kitchen floor, he was suddenly overcame with a wave of guilt.

"Rin?" Haru said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"You can go home now if you'd like. I'm fine now." He promised.

Rin's eyes narrowed skeptically at Haru's request, but softened immediately as his friend looked up at him with his own eyes wide and innocent. 

"Haru, no offense but you're not fine. You just had an emotional breakdown on your kitchen floor. Now, I'll leave if you want me to, but I'd really like to stay." 

Haru pondered that option before answering.

"Rin, you are an amazing friend and I am very lucky to have you."

"Haru, wha-"

"But," Haru cut him off. "I think I just need to be alone right now."

Rin opened his mouth to protest, but Haru continued.

"I'll be fine, I just need to think. Come by after school tomorrow, okay?"

Rin sighed deeply before nodding reluctantly.  He stood up and hugged Haru once before towards the door, he promised that he would wait outside by the gates tomorrow.  After Rin left, Haru continued to sit on the kitchen floor, mind blank for everything except his feelings at the moment. He let out a sigh before standing up to go lock the door. As he reached for the lock, the door swung open, revealing a very angry Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think. Rating may change in chapter 5.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while, hasn't it? So, I don't want to give you guys any excuses as to why you had to wait like four months for an update, things just happened. I am really sorry that you did have to wait FOUR MONTHS for an update, I'm gonna try really hard to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Anyway, in this chapter Makoto is WAY OOC. Um, I'm not entirely sure if I'm happy with it, bit we'll see. If I do decide to rewrite this chapter, I'll make sure to either make it longer or post chapter six with it so that you guys won't have to wait. I think that's about it. If you want to yell at me, you can find me on tumblr! My username is jja947.

   Haru paled, he stood frozen in place with his mouth wide open, fear etched on his face. He had never seen Makoto this angry before, in fact, he doesn't think he's ever seen him angry.  
  "HARU!!!" Makoto growled as he marched towards him. He grabbed a fistfull of Haru's shirt, his eyes were filled with anger and betrayal. Haru felt the grip on his shirt tighten before he was forcefully shoved against the wall. The crack from the impact between his head and the wall was loud enough to echo in his empty house. Haru let out a painful grunt as he slid down the wall, he kept his jaw chenched shut to distract himself from the pain. His tentatively touched the back of his head to inspect the damage, he immediately felt something hot and wet coat his fingers. Haru used one hand to put pressure on the back of his head. He used his other to push himself up off the ground and ran to the bathroom, or at least as far away as he could get from Makoto.

Makoto's POV:  
  Makoto stood staring at the line of blood that stained Haru's beige walls, his mind going back to the look of fear Haru had on his face. He slowly walked up towards the wall and upon further inspection, he noticed the slight crack in the foundation from where Haru's head had hit it.  He felt his breath quicken and the guilt that was beginning to tear it's way at his insides.  
   'How could I have done that?' Makoto thought. Especially to Haru. His friend's name snapped hom out of his 'trance' and quickly, he scrambled to his feet and ran towards where Haru went. As he walked through the halls to find his friend, Makoto thought of how he was going to beg for forgiveness, even though he knew he didn't deserve it. The thought of Haru hating him shook Makoto to the core, even if Haru does forgive him, he will never be able to forgive himself. Haru was his best friend and he was going to make this right, but first he had to make sure he was ok. A loud thud interrupted his thoughts, Makoto figured it had to have come from the batheroom. He quicken his pace to aid his friend, and hopefully, he was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that happened. Again, I know Makoto is super OOC bit I promise it is intended. But poor Haru! It kinda hurt me to write this chapter because I've hurt Haru so much, I think he deserves some happiness. Maybe he'll get some next chapter. Oh, and before I forget. No, I have not forgotten about The Darkness Gives Me Warmth, I will try and work on it after this. I think that's it. Thank you all for sticking around for the story. See you next water time!  
> *edit*  
> Also, I'm sorry that this chapter is really short, I'll try to make the next one longer! Again, thank you all for sticing around, see you next wate time!


End file.
